Dan Brown-ed Up

Friday is both round up day and Eric's day of rest (he gets very cranky without breaks). Thus, as always on Fridays, Laura (cue sweet tunes).

Fact: I am 30 pages into The Lost Symbol. Fact: every minute I spend writing this post is a minute I will not be reading. Fact: I don't care that a lot of you are Dan Brown haters—I, too, am often a DBH. But I am also a complete and utter hypocrite who is secretly into both mysteries and scoffing, and this book lends itself to both! So round up ahoy, the weekly contest makes its triumphant return, and if you mock my reading habits in the comments I will totally disemvowel you (and that, Nathan, is how you deal with sucky anonymous comments—castrate them by nom-ing their vowels).

Although I'm reading The Lost Symbol, I'm super sick of reading about it (and exposing myself to potential spoilers for you people—you're welcome), so here is the super condensed version of everything about the book that happened this week: TLS was embargoed, but rules don't apply to the New York Times or the LA Times, which kind of sucked for the Waterstone and Borders people who were going to speed read it and be the first to review. If you don't want to read it, the Guardian spoils it, but otherwise you can read embargo respecting reviews from the National Post and Omnivoracious, or read Gawker and Phillip Pullman give Brown some serious shit. The book broke the one day sales record by selling a million books, set a UK sales record, sold more e-books than print books on Amazon, and saved Random House, hurray!

Feelings are mixed about good old Dan—he'll either be the ruin of us all, or is a great student of human nature, highlighting our need for secrets. We shouldn't hate him, even though he's totally wrong about everything in DC, and lied about professors of symbology existing at all. Maybe he just needed an unsolicited editor, or a plot generator, or some good theories. If only he weren't fettered by the golden handcuffs of bestseller-dom...

I'm sure Robert Langdon didn't need this, but just in case, here's a guide to books that teach manliness. I'm sure Dan Brown doesn't need this either, but T-Rex has broken new ground in post-modern detective novels. That's right. Dinosaurs explain everything. Except for, well, why publishers hate books. Or why no one will read your script, or publish your book (but Jeff VanderMeer will read it for cookies—thanks Jeff!).

If you, in your infinite kindness, want to read the work of others, Fantasy Magazine needs slush readers. Before you apply you should read this steampunk FAQ, and this explanation of all sorts of punks (not the street corner kind, the sci-fi kind), even though some people think the punks are dumb. We'll see what they say when the street corner and sci-fi punks band together, become the Warriors, and come out to play.

Punk haters are, of course, literary snobs. They tell us that having a volunteer army is the reason there hasn't been any great war literature in Iraq and Afghanistan (because living through a war—not good enough for the hoi polloi, oh no!). From America, anyway—Denmark isn't having that problem. That arbiter of taste, Bin Laden, has thrown his literary choices into the ring, yet he didn't choose any Kafka, which we all know makes you smarter.

The publishing elite tell us why the industry doomed—because "[g]enuine literary discernment is often a liability in editors." Sales show that illiterate inbred hicks are buying books (they don't read them, just buy them), so true literary taste is a problem. And good God, Muffy, the e-books are coming! How will people know you're reading Proust on the subway now?

Speaking of literary discernment, I turn to you, great wide world of readers, with an important question. Moonrat and I have been having a discussion about our literary boyfriends. First, a question: can you call Shakespeare? Really? Not cool. And second, this week's contest: tell me about your magical, romantic first date with your literary crush (author or character). Funniest and most emotionally scarring experience (scarring for you, not me) wins eternal glory next week! And, potentially, therapy.

Expanding the PMN Empire

Apparently a new figure has entered the light saber-rattling, empire-versus-rebellion, Sith-versus-Jedi battle between Nathan and me, and that man is none other than... Barack Obama. 10,000 PMN points (redeemable at all participating PMN locations*) and mad props** to anyone who turns the green screen-ready version of that image into one of President Brobama lightsabering illiteracy in the face. Be as creative as you like!

Also, before I get going (I feel like I'm always saying that), it turns out some famous people really are reading PMN! (Apologies to all you other famous readers whom I may have inadvertently overlooked.) Michelle, if you're reading this: thanks for mentioning us, and congrats on your new book! And I promise to actually buy Cleopatra's Daughter and not try to acquire it for free through my myriad mega sweet publishing connections.

Ahem. So yes, update. I can tell a lot of you aren't die-hard Dan Brown fans, so I'll keep it brief. It is as follows:

• I do have a vague idea of how individual accounts did in terms of day one sales, but since those numbers haven't been made public and I don't want to post anything I'm not sure is true, I'm going to keep my mouth shut for now.
• I will say, however, that the rumors I'm hearing are more or less in line with the overall one million copy figure being quoted in the media. Congrats to Dan Brown, Doubleday, Random House, Bertelsmann, and all the fine people involved in making this book a hit.
• Amazon seems to be selling more of the e-book than the hardcover. Our e-book overlords are nearly upon us!
• Records are being broken, people! (Although Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling are still king and queen, respectively.)
• Finally, I was right! I was right! Dan Brown is eating everyone else's sales! Not that that's a good thing, mind you—I actually think it's quite the opposite—but I do so enjoy being right.

Now, speaking of all things Sith and insidious (i.e. The Lost Symbol's overwhelming sales), I'd like to gauge your collective interest in the following: the Facebook and the Twitter. Would PMN's presence on either be positive for you? I'm talking the possibility of new and unique content for FB and Twitter, not to mention more than one update per day and the un-pass-up-able opportunity to be bona fide FB friends with yours truly. Status updates, tweets, &c could transmit more data to you on a more regular basis and in more easily digestible units.

Will expanding the PMN empire to other e-venues help you folks out? Do you have any questions/comments/ideas/misgivings/&c? To the comments with you, then, and make haste—Dan Brown sold another thirteen (thousand) books while you were reading this!





* Pimp My Novel is not a participating location.
** "Mad props" distributed at the discretion of PMN. Cash value 1/100 of one cent. Not redeemable for cash. Consult a physician before using. Your results may vary. Not for opthalmic use.

It Was Under the Couch Cushion the Whole Time

First of all, thanks to everyone who voted for PMN on the Book Blogger Apprecation Week awards page, and a big round of applause for the winners. As you can see, I totally got Ben Kenobi-ed by Nathan. Looks like he really DID become more powerful than we could ever imagine! (I mean, the man helped forge a blog that wasn't even his own. Without him, PMN literally wouldn't exist.)

In all seriousness, though, hats & Sith Lord life-support helmets off to you, Nathan, and the rest of the winners as well. More than well-deserved.

But there's always next year...

As you may have heard (unless you've been stuck on a deserted island for the last five months), Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol came out yesterday. It's already taken the UK by storm (they're in the future, you know) and I'll be updating this post later today with US info and news reports. So far:

• Tesco (a British grocery store/general merchandiser) was selling 19 copies PER MINUTE;
• Asda (a British supermarket) sold 18,000 copies before 4:00 PM;
• Rumor has it that one of the Manhattan major chain stores (just ONE STORE) sold 400 copies by 2:00 PM. By my rough calculation, that's about one copy every minute. Heavens to Murgatroyd.

Now, being an enterprising young man, I've acquired Mine Very Owne Copie of the book and am already a third of the way through it. (The font is huge.) Now, WITHOUT SPOILING ANYTHING AT ALL, I PROMISE, my reaction is as follows:

I once accused Dan Brown of writing the same book twice (Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code). I'd like to formally retract that.

He has written the same book three. Different. Times.

Now, if you really liked those other two books, you'll definitely like this one. I think the writing is better and the pacing is as good as ever. He does have a lot of characters/shadowy organizations/plot points that are annoyingly similar to his previous books, though, and there are times (roughly every other page) where I get the impression he just keeps a giant Crazy Conspiracies Mad-Libs that he fills out every few years and turns into a book. (Maybe that's exactly what he does.) That aside—it's pretty entertaining. To sum it up as only the British can (courtesy of the Guardian link, above):

The Lost Symbol charts similar territory to The Da Vinci Code, with the hero decoding puzzles and going on the run from shadowy forces, this time Freemasons. Some reviewers branded The Lost Symbol "moronic, derivative and clunky" .

Others applauded Brown's ability to give his millions of fans what they want. For the publishing industry, the book's strengths and weaknesses were only being measured in numbers.

And those numbers are going to be intense.

It wouldn't be a true PMN post without a healthy dose of doom, however, so before I go, these parting words (again from the Guardian) and a mini-Prithee-Inform-Me:

Baggaley said it remains questionable whether the soaring sales of Dan Brown books will have a beneficial effect for publishers of other books. "In Tesco this morning the book was on display, not in the book section, but as soon as you walked in, so it is not as if you are going to be drawn into buying other books as well," he said.

I've been warning that books going on-sale around this time will be cannibalized by Dan Brown rather than see a boost from his generating additional foot traffic. Prithee, inform me: do you think the DB phenomenon will increase or decrease the sales of other books in the stores?