It's a whole new year, friends and foes, and the best way to celebrate that is by judging others for things they've done and opinions they hold. Yes, I know: welcome to America.
Are you a parent? Well, you're probably doing it wrong! Is your 7-year-old reading? That could be terrible, or just okay. Are you a Chinese mom? You may be the devil, or the most supportive parent out there. Are you an aspiring biographer? Here's how you should do it. And please, don't forget to manipulate Amazon's rankings.
In addition to being judgey-judgersons as we enter this brand new year, we should also be tech snobs. Noses up! Time to realize how e-books will help publishing. Be sure to share your snootiest Kindle books, but don't run out to buy a new reader—it seems like a new iPad and a new Nook are coming our way soonish.
Now, some old things are nice too. Like this crazy "book" format. There's a lot of book nostalgia floating around, which you can assuage with a literary dinner party menu. All that paper sure is delicious. Or, if you're eating alone, you can eat and read the first mystery novel, or do some crowdsourced transcription. Hell, you could even pull a Jack Kerouac and write to Marlon Brando. Or, you know, someone alive. Either/or.
But enough about the past. On to the future! The future filled with neuronovels, and empty of columns by Tiger Woods. A future with a new Huck Finn, which some people like and a lot of people don't. A future with a completely necessary Julian Assange memoir, because what that man needs is more attention. A future with Gatsby in 3-D, a Salma Hayek-backed Wicked miniseries, and Eric Bana as Abraham Lincoln: vampire hunter.
So far so good, 2011. Keep up the good work, and see you all next week!